Nathan is my only boy. That doesn’t make him innocent. It does explain why my first thought was to clean up his mess instead of asking what kind of mess it was.
His anniversary was that Thursday. Nine years married. I still remembered Lacey walking down the church aisle with her veil stuck to her lipstick because nobody tells a bride not to use gloss. She laughed when I pointed it out. Nathan looked so proud he could hardly keep his shoulders down.
At 10:12 that morning, Nathan called while I was squeezing cantaloupes the way my mother taught me. His debit card was “acting weird,” and he needed flowers. I gave him my card number because he was my son and because I knew Lacey had been stretching ground beef with oats that month. She told me while rinsing plates after Sunday dinner. I figured $86.73 for yellow roses and a balloon was a decent thing to help with.
At 12:41, another charge came through for $94.18. I thought Petal Barn had run the card twice. That was the clean answer, so I reached for it.
Amber put me on hold. The music was a tinny piano version of “Endless Love,” and I tapped the receipt against my steering wheel until the paper got soft at the fold. When she came back, she had lowered her voice.
“The first went to Lacey at the elementary school,” she said. “Yellow roses. Baby’s breath. A silver balloon.”
“And the second?”
“Apartment 4B. Briar Court.”
I asked if both orders had Nathan’s name. Amber paused long enough for me to hear a cart rattle near the florist counter.
“Ma’am, both cards said love, Nathan.”
My stomach didn’t drop. It tightened. There is a difference. I told myself there had to be a simple reason. Maybe the second flowers were for a sick coworker. Maybe Nathan had done something thoughtful and was keeping it quiet. People can talk themselves into foolish things in broad daylight.
I drove to Lacey’s school first because I wanted to stop the bill before it reached their bank account. That was the story I gave myself. Really, I wanted to see Lacey’s face before she saw mine.
She was outside on bus duty, holding the yellow roses against her hip while twenty-eight children climbed onto buses. The balloon kept bumping her chin. She looked tired, not happy, and that bothered me more than the second charge.
When she saw me, she smiled with one side of her mouth.
“Honey, did Nathan send these?”
“He sent mine,” she said.
Mine.
She opened the card. The front had a printed anniversary message. The back was blank except for two tiny pencil marks in the corner, like someone had marked it as number one. Lacey tucked it into her cardigan pocket.
“Do you still have the receipt?”
I handed it over. My fingers were shaking, which made me mad because nothing had been proven yet.
“Good,” she said. “Come with me before Nathan gets home.”
The minivan smelled like old crayons baked into the seats. Lacey drove too fast, then slowed down when she saw a school bus turning ahead of us. Neither of us spoke for several minutes. I kept looking at the receipt in her hand.
I said, “Maybe Amber mixed up the cards.”
Lacey kept her eyes on the road. “She didn’t.”
“Maybe Nathan sent flowers to somebody at work.”
“That’s what I’m trying to find out.”
I wanted to tell her that Nathan loved her. I wanted to say men did dumb things, but this didn’t mean anything. I also knew that saying those things would be for Nathan, not Lacey. It would be me doing my usual hospital work on a family wound, pressing gauze over something that needed to be opened.
Briar Court was six minutes from their house. I know because I watched the clock the whole way. Apartment 4B had a wreath with a wooden letter M on the door. I noticed it because I had seen that same M on a photo Nathan posted at Christmas, hanging over a cubicle at his office.
Lacey knocked once.
A woman opened the door wearing Nathan’s old Harding High sweatshirt. I recognized it because I had bought it for him in 2006, and the right cuff still had a little bleach spot from when he helped me paint the kitchen. The woman had one hand on the door and the other wrapped around a red tulip stem.
Lacey looked at me.
“Mom, ask whose handwriting is on the card.”
The woman stepped back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I held up the receipt. “Did Nathan send these?”
She looked at the flowers, then at Lacey. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out.
Lacey reached past me and took the card from the woman’s hand. “You wrote this.”
“No.”
“You copied my writing.”
“I didn’t know he was married.”
That line hit me wrong. Not because it excused her. Because it sounded practiced. Like she had been saying it to herself for days.
Lacey unfolded the card. Inside was the same printed message as hers. Under it, in handwriting that looked almost exactly like Lacey’s, were the words: “Love, Nathan.”
The woman started crying. I didn’t comfort her. I nearly did, though. That is the part I don’t like admitting. I still had my hand half raised before I remembered Lacey standing beside me.
Lacey said, “You knew enough to copy me.”
“I saw a card in his desk.”
“His desk at work?”
“Yes.”
“And you still took the flowers?”
The woman wiped her cheek with the sleeve of Nathan’s sweatshirt. “He said you were separated.”
Lacey laughed once. It wasn’t a nice sound.
“We ate dinner together last night.”
The woman looked at me then. “He told me you were helping him leave.”
I should have said something. I should have told her Nathan had called me that morning for flowers, that I had paid with my card, that I had been helping him do exactly what he asked because I thought helping was the same thing as love.
Instead I asked, “Why did you copy Lacey’s handwriting?”
She looked down at the card.
“I didn’t copy it.”
Lacey’s hand closed around my arm. “Mom.”
I stopped talking. That was unusual for me. Usually I filled every bad room with words until somebody got tired enough to forgive somebody.
The woman went inside and came back with a small stack of paper. The top page was a note written in pencil. I only saw the first line before Lacey pulled it away.
“Where did you get that?” Lacey asked.
“From him.”
“How long?”
The woman shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“How long?”
“Since January.”
January. Six months of flowers, notes, and lies. Nathan had been stopping by our house every Sunday, eating my chicken and asking if I needed anything from the hardware store. He had kissed Lacey goodbye that morning. I knew because Lacey had mentioned it while rinsing those plates. I had heard the whole ordinary little life and still helped him pay for a second one.
Lacey took out her phone. There were fourteen missed calls from Nathan, all made in less than three minutes. He had noticed the card charge, or maybe the florist had called him. The phone kept buzzing in her hand.
“Answer him,” I said.
She pressed the button. “You’re on speaker.”
Nathan’s voice came through fast. “Mom, why are you with Lacey?”
Lacey said, “Who lives at 4B?”
Nothing.
Then Nathan said, “This isn’t what you think.”
Lacey looked at the woman in his sweatshirt. “You sent her flowers.”
“She knew what this was.”
“Did she know I was your wife?”
“Stop making this bigger.”
I heard myself say, “Nathan, you used my card.”
He went quiet. Not sorry. Quiet.
Lacey ended the call. The woman handed her the note, but Lacey didn’t read it. She turned to me instead.
“Did you know?”
“No.”
“Did you suspect?”
I looked at the folded receipt. “I suspected enough to come here.”
She nodded like that answer cost her something.
We left the apartment without the tulips. Lacey carried the yellow roses back to the van, but she didn’t put them in the front. She laid them across the back seat, where the balloon brushed the ceiling each time we turned.
The next week was ugly and plain. Lacey changed the locks. Nathan moved into a rented room near his job. I gave Lacey the receipts and the card, then stopped answering Nathan’s calls for three days because I was mad at him and ashamed of myself. On the fourth day, I answered.
“Tell her I love her,” he said.
I said, “You tell her.”
“I can’t.”
“You can. You just don’t want to.”
That was the last real talk I had with him for a while.
Two weeks later, Amber called me from Petal Barn. She said the manager had checked the order records because Lacey had asked for a copy. The second arrangement had not been sent to some random woman at Briar Court. It had gone to Nathan’s coworker, the woman in the sweatshirt. The same card paid for both orders.
Then Amber said there was one more thing.
The handwriting on the second card was Lacey’s because Lacey had written it herself. She had copied the anniversary message onto a blank card, placed the order, and used my card because she knew Nathan would recognize his own debit card and stop the delivery. She wanted him to think his secret had reached my purse before it reached her hands.
She had already found the affair. The flowers were the trap.
I looked at the receipt again. Under the charge was the note Amber had added: “Customer confirmed wife handwriting.”
That little pencil mark wasn’t a number for the florist. It was Lacey marking the first card so she could match the second one.
I had spent the whole day trying to protect my son from a bill. Lacey had been collecting proof.
And the second card really did say, “Love, Nathan.”
